It Chose Me

Fear and Redemption…

lloydrosen — Mon, 01 Aug 2011 03:23:34 +0000

It’s amazing how we see people on the outside and think they have so much or have accomplished so much, yet they themselves live in fear and doubt. Obviously both view points are accurate to some extent…..
Take me for example,… I have lived in fear my whole life. Fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being a never was…..it is all mental and I see as clear as day the steps I need to take to overcome these issues,….yet because of broken thought patterns, I doubt myself and therefore don’t change. Being aware of what is broken is very important, then facing your fears head on despite your fear, and lastly knowing what you really want as your end game……
I am so thankful for every broken event and thought pattern in my life because it has made me who I am. And I have a great calling on my life.
For instance,…..I received an email from an architectural firm that saw my website on Friday… and was asked to quote a price to shoot several projects….in the end they are willing to pay over $7,000….obviously trying to decide where I am supposed to be right now and sleeping in the car…this is amazing. Well they want me to bring in my portfolio tomorrow…..yeah….I don’t have one. So I risked it all, went to Starbucks with my hard drives and made one. Costco printed 30 fantastic 11 x14s for me. They look amazing! Of course I don’t have that much money right now being in transition,…..but Adrian encouraged me and you know….. despite my irritation for working in horribly loud public spaces, plugging in 5 hard drives on a tiny table and sifting through thousand of images…..I faced my fear. Not to mention being on the road for months…I am unshaven…so we had to fix me up on the side of the road last night for the interview tomorrow. Some dude walked by….”looks great man”…. so like in the Pursuit of Happiness….I seriously doubt I would land an amazing deal like this, that would give us a place to live and start us back on to the road to recovery….but I tell people to never doubt themselves and to go out and make a splash in the world…. I have to be the example I want to see in the world. No matter what fear or doubt tells me…. this is my life…I don’t get a different one unless I make it…. so here we go…bring it!!! Now I need to figure out where to shower…..
Life is crazy, but you have to enjoy the ride…believe that!

Lloyd Rosen
www.lloydrosenphotography.com
www.lstreetmag.com

An ocean of time…

lloydrosen — Sun, 31 Jul 2011 04:28:51 +0000

I once walked along the ocean for so long I forgot all about time. The waves lapped against the shore and in the distance I could see a tiny sailboat. The sun hung just over the horizon giving life to another part of the world and bringing an end to a long day in my small world.
I thought about what it would be like to be on that boat, bound for anywhere….far far away from the life I once knew. In my mind I drifted for days without a care in the world…my past melted away and the future didn’t even matter……
It’s funny how in our mind, everything works out and things seem to just be ok in the end….
As the sun began its decent into darkness and the wind brought a chill, I awoke from my daydream back to the reality of my life,…..here there was no sailboat and the past was still ever present. My fear of the future was still real and life doesn’t always work out…..but for a moment,…..just a moment that seemed to last forever……it was all so real in my mind.
Ive often thought, I should spend more time walking along the oceans path….but you know how busy we get with life and all of its pressing issues….
But when I close my eyes, I can still see that tiny sailboat drifting on a beautiful sea……

Lloyd Rosen
www.lloydrosenphotography.com
www.lstreetmag.com

Search for significance…

lloydrosen — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 03:57:16 +0000

I’ve been walking a long hard road for sometime now….. I’m not sure what I am after. Maybe I just want to be happy deep down, like everyone. For me it seems so allusive…..I mean, I’ve quit job after job…moved from state to state and back. I’ve done pretty much every type of art there is and now I am “Lloyd Rosen” the photographer….. and after a failed marriage….I am on another, what seems like an endless road.
Where does this happiness come from? Does anyone ever really find it? Hell I take photos of some of the most beautiful women….people say they love my work and I am traveling the country with a very beautiful girl….. it all seems good to most people……
Yet here I am….alone in my mind. I have no one that calls me, no one that honestly seems to give a Damn whether I am here or not. Now I know that isn’t entirely true…. there are a couple people that care deeply….and I do not take that for granted….
I feel very alone in the world and I know we aren’t supposed to ever show anyone our weakness,…..but I’ve never really cared too much for rules….
Maybe that’s why I am the over thinking eternal pessimistic optimist….. I know in the end ill be ok, but sometimes I guess I just need to spit it out. I think that is healthy for the soul.
Well for now, we sleep in the car. Shower at the rec.center and I continue my quest to become a famous photographer. I am very thankful for what I have. I wish I wasn’t so troubled, but one day at a time….. just wish I had more people to talk to, but because of the way I grew up… I never learned that skill. If you met me in person, you would never know I have a problem in the world….but unfortunately…. I do.
Well thanks for listening….. I really do think blue skies are coming my way…. I really do.

Lloyd Rosen
www.lloydrosenphotography.com
www.lstreetmag.com

You can be you…

lloydrosen — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 21:58:25 +0000

I want to let you, you have permission to be ok with yourself. You can make mistakes, be sad, succeed and feel good about it…. life is too short to keep ourselves down because we don’t feel like we deserve better. Life is hard, it can be Damn hard. And I know first hand because of the bad tapes in our heads, we sometimes make the same mistakes, over and over. But you know what? That is ok…..you and I are human and we deserve to love ourselves and be proud of what we do.
So pick yourself up, realize you are exactly where you are supposed to be in life. I believe everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to. And even if you don’t believe that, you can’t change a single thing in the past. It is gone….move forward, learn to walk again…..you can do this….and so can I…..

Lloyd Rosen
www.lloydrosenphotography.com
www.lstreetmag.com

Self Taught hmmmm?

lloydrosen — Thu, 12 May 2011 02:19:00 +0000

So I guess you could say I am the do it yourself type….everything I know has pretty much come at the cost of hours upon hours of doing things over and over….and of course expecting different results…oh wait, isn’t that the def. of insanity?…. hmm, well that explains a few things….

So after the giving up the life I had known…I ended up sleeping in a cubicle for awhile. It’s a challenging lifestyle for sure… I mean showering in a sink when no one is around? So after Adrian came back from OK we slept in the Civic….it was actually nice to be out of that office, believe it or not.

Well with great pain in my heart, and the falling apart of my marriage, my wife moved to San Diego to stay with her brother and Adrian and I decide to leave LA and travel…. I felt just like in the movie Into The Wild…. going into the great beyond with no plan of coming back. So we ventured forth and luckily I have a network of 5000 friends on Facebook….hey kinda like Jesus…hmm, well I was born on Christmas after all… think about it…. so I put a status update that we needed a place to stay. ( www.Facebook.com/lloydrosen ) enter…..Cassidy in Vegas….

A great new photographer friend was so amazing to let us come to Vegas and stay in a house she inherited for a month and a half. It was such a fantastically tacky 70s looking mobster house with baby blue shaggy carpet, all white furniture, a white piano and mirrors everywhere with gold trim….. it was an L shaped house with all sliding glass doors that opened to a beautiful blue pool. It was a photographers dream!

Adrian is a model and of course we shot a few times creating some amazing new work! We also worked with a beautiful nude model Trishy that came into town to play! I tried my jand at HDR landscape photography several times out at Redrock Canyon as well as the Vegas strip….. such an experience!

I haven’t mentioned, but we are avid runners….so everywhere we go we take advantage of the amazing places there are to run! Vegas is no exception….gorgeous canyons, mountains, rock climbing and beautiful running trails. We averaged about 4 miles a day. And as you might know Vegas can get quite hot, but luckily we were there in perfect weather….:)

Oh and the strip…..well first of all some days we would go down and dodge people for fun, speed walk and climb stairs….people watching in Vegas is a trip..Haha….

We also gambled slightly a few times….I’m no gambler, but you cant really experience Vegas without trying it….lol, The first time we went down we played the penny slots and decided we would bet a dollar each… one penny at a time of course…. well a couple free drinks and two hours later I had won $60! Not bad entertainment for the money…..

Well I caught up on a lot of video and photo editing for a client in LA, shot some real estate, went some art openings and just enjoyed the hell out of Vegas! …hell almost had a couple threesomes….but I think I ended up drinking too much and lost focus…Haha….fool! um, that sounds funny….I didn’t lose focus like that…..basically time slips away fast when your having fun….

Like everything, Vegas finally had to come to an end…. the road called us back to LA for a week and a couple big shoots, almost another threesome….and of course the rest of west coast…..

I’ll be back…..with the rest of the story…..

Lloyd Rosen
www.lloydrosenphotography.com
www.lstreetmag.com

The road starts here…

lloydrosen — Thu, 12 May 2011 02:07:00 +0000

It’s been many moons since I last posted a blog…. life, oh the great adventure. In the midst of pain springs new life.

This last year has proved to be one of the hardest years I have ever known. I turned 40, lost my wife by my own action, sold the last of my possessions…except for my photo gear and hit the road with my new girlfriend. There are a thousand stories in this heart of mine….so much to share, so many changes happening in me.

We are starting an online magazine, traveling the entire U.S., shooting models and meeting amazing photographers. I have to say, I absolutely love how something like photography can bring people from all cultures in every area of life together. We all share this common bond of art and the pursuit of capturing the world around us….one moment at a time. I guess we are the keepers of time, the shepherds of memories.

In a brief synopsis, I lived in Hollywood, and ended up sleeping in a tiny shared office down the street from Hollywood and Highland. Of course no one new that after my day of editing and they all went home, I pulled out my red lawn chair, put on a netflix movie on my computer and called it a day. My girlfriend went to OK for a month or so, I had sold my truck and decided my skateboard was all I needed to get around…. of course, I got sick, hurt my ankle and felt the loss of everything I had ever known…. to say the least life was challenging….. but I survived…..and decide I would become stronger for it all.
Eventually, Adrian came back and we left LA for the adventure of a lifetime…………

Stay tuned….I have so much to share about the following months that led up to where we are now….. grab a snack, giving up everything to follow your dream is never boring I assure you…..

Only have a minute…to start again

lloydrosen — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 17:53:50 +0000

I just want to announce to myself that I am starting to blog again…. I will focus on my life as an aspiring photographer and dreamer. We will be starting one of the largest online magazines featuring fashion art and sex. We will be moving into an amazing loft, work space and starting to put together a gallery show. We will also be putting a book out this year! Woo, so much to do, so much to see, so little time. I will be getting up at 4 am starting tomorrow. Here comes the how to change your life series people….. so much to talk about, so little time…..
Now off to a gallery show on Melrose and then to Nickelodeon to hang with Isaac and Tracy…..ciao for now…

I will never give up….

lloydrosen — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 03:50:08 +0000

*deep breath

Well as you may or may not know, I am a full time photographer in Hollywood and I’ve decided to really dedicate more time this year to growing and expanding. One of the ways I am doing so is to get a lot more print in magazines. Well I’ve been shooting editorials for 944 magazine for the past year plus and the editor finally found out I shoot a lot of fashion….even though I’ve been trying to tell her that forever. So she decided to give me an opportunity for a big fashion spread in the upcoming issue. I was so excited to have the opportunity, but just like most opportunities that come my way….for some reason….with the good always comes the bad. So I really wanted to do this big. I found..what I thought was a really great model from Ford Models. The agency had no problem leting her come out to the shoot. We shot at a really high boutique in Newport Beach with really expensive clothing. They have stuff by Saint John, Prada, etc…you get the idea. One of the dresses we used was a celebrity dress that cost like $6000. So we found a great makeup artist and a fantastic hair stylist. Everything seemed to be in place to rock this shoot. Well the model was supposed to be 5’10″ 115lbs…. and she was for the most part…….we shot 5 looks and I thought the pics turned out fantatic! Well the editor pretty much hated everything about the model. Even though she saw pictures before the shoot and thought she was gorgeous. She said the model looked like she gained weight and must have been 135-140 lbs…… she pretty much said that… “it wasn’t my photos” but every picture the model had was beautiful, but in my pictures she looked slumpy, her arms looked too big, blah blah blah….she said she could use the pics, but because she hates the model, they just don’t do much for the story. ……aaaagggghhhhh! Its so frustrating! I had so many GORGEOUS girls that were really interested in being in the magazine and I chose her! I thought she would be so amazing and it really just blew up in my face! The editor said we should tell Ford about this horrible model, but they would point the finger directly back at the person who took the pics……..

So as usual, one step forward, two steps back. This is the story of my life and this crazy adventure to become a world famous photographer. It is possible and it will happen….but for now…..I have creditors calling everyday…until they shut my phone off because of a past due bill…. we are eating on a super budget…..haha its all so ridiculous sometimes! But this is the life I chose! I’ve always made decent money and paid the bills, but I hated all of my jobs working for other people. Well when I decided to take the road less traveled and become a full time photographer…….I knew it wouldn’t be easy. You have to have really thick skin. You have to have nerves of steal, and you just can’t give up! Ever! Most people would run to the safety of their old lives, but not me……………….eternally optimisitc in my own pessimistic way…haha.

So if you are following this saga of a the self taught boy who came from nothing and was told he would never make it. Stay tuned because the story isn’t over yet. I cannot be beaten….I will not quit…..and I will be happy meanwhile. Life is good and I really do love it! I just had to rant for a moment out of frustration. This blog seems like a good place to do that. Lets face it, the road of life isn’t always paved with gold and surrounded by roses….sometimes its really hard, and sometimes the past makes it that much more hard. Its been a long long road getting to this point.

So there you have it… so much is happening everday. Exciting times, booking jobs, making friends….. say hi and let me know I’m not alone out there.

Hello world!

lloydrosen — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 04:54:06 +0000

Ok so I am new to blogging and new to wordpress………leave some love…show me the way…………………Im a photographer dammit….not a pool specialist….er, yeah….say hi!

Life is never enough…..so Im looking for more…

lloydrosen — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 17:58:00 +0000

Life…..ah, life……..the complicated mistress that she is. How did I get this far? Sometimes I don’t know how I function the way I do… Always dreaming, not really fitting into the part that the world seems to want me to fit into. But then again do I have a part or is this actually just my own perception. Sometimes I want so badly to just give up and go back to the proverbial plow and just work the field until I’m old and wrinkly watching the sun rise and sun set until I fade to dust. But you know that’s just not my style….. I’m a fighter, always have been. I just don’t give up…even when I know I probably should to make the pain a little easier to bare. But none the less I never give up. Tenacious like a pitbull yet I still hang onto my romantic notion that there is good in the world.
What makes us such complex creatures? Everyone we meet, every little situation we ever come across shapes us every day. The music we listen to, the movies we watch, the things we see walking down the street…..all of it creates these traits that sometimes change our whole destiny….or so it seems. The weather effects our moods, they say the tides and the moon and the gravitational pull effects us every day. I mean how is it possible that through astrological signs you can learn something about yourself or others….your birth sign, the meaning of your name, the hour you were born….sometimes those seem to be pretty accurate to who you really are.
Well anyway, I just thought I would get a couple thoughts out….

So lets see, been shooting and editing and watching movies….life is good! Hollywood is amazing! Had a homeless guy tried to spit at me after he yelled a bunch of non intelligent things….I was close to knocking out his last tooth…but I decided he wasn’t worth it and kept on my merry way. This was actually Friday the 13th when I was walking down to Hollywood and Highland with Candy….the homeless were extra crazy I swear. We walked past 3 other crazies yelling and having intense conversations with thin air….maybe they do see the dead….hmmm, interesting reaction.
Shot a great spread for 944 Magazine a couple days ago! Great model from Ford and we had fantastic really expensive clothes…so that should come out in March, so Im excited about that! Also might have another two of my black and white nude series coming out in 2 different magazines in March if everything goes as planned….also very exciting! I’ve decided to go after a lot more print this year! And of course a gallery show downtown LA, very excited about that!
So last night we all went to a cool art reception in China Town at the POV gallery. The show was called Movers and Shakers…. check it out… http://www.povevolving.com/POVgallery_SubSite/current.html It was so fantastic to see so many amazing artists work represented! So exciting! I LOVE art and this was very much my kind of art. Then we went to Dennys and ate way to much crap…hahah….good times! I usually eat really healthy, but from time to time its good to indulge in mindless sinful pleasures……. um…..yeah about the word “sinful” why would it be spelled with one “l”? It just doesn’t make sense to me…. shouldn’t it be “sin” “full”…sinfull? anyway….

So I have tons of new pictures to post and things to share, but I just have so many things to do and meanwhile I’m trying to juggle sanity and peace of mind…..as well as the ever looming bills…..that’s another story all together….but you know…I don’t believe in excuses…I chose my path. We all do…..you have choices every day. You choose to go to a job that you hate or stay with the one you love. You chose to be happy or sad or let people control you. Choice is a powerful thing. And the realization that you have this choice can be such an enormous burden sometimes. …….every now and then I think it would be so nice to not be such a thinker. It seems some people just go through life accepting whatever comes their way good or bad and not questioning or trying to change their circumstances…….ah being oblivious would be such a treat……maybe….
……I question everything, I never accept anything as fact that I can’t change….I am so aware of choice and despite this fact I still make poor choices so often. I know I chose my moods and my reactions to life…or over reaction as the case often is…..yet I still chose poorly. Those bad tapes run so deep. So strange how events when you are a child stay with you your whole life and twist your mind up so that you can’t really seem to think straight. I know these are choices, but that doesn’t make them any easier.